G-Men B&B

If you were to meet our G-Man Team face-to-face, I am certain your comments would be nothing but very favourable. They are two of the friendliest creatures around. Really they are.

When I called on them between showers this morning, Jacko (above left) was still in bed, dozing a bit, while Beebs (above right) ventured out to the fence to greet me. He gave a couple cute little bleats, as if in conversation about his late-sleeping friend.

“Today is the day that I go to Mr Palmer to get your scoff, Beebs,” I mentioned to him quietly, as if in confidence.

Beebs nodded knowingly, as if he understood. Who am I to query whether he understands or not?

Around 1:00pm I met Mr Palmer in the parking lot at Kapiti Signs in Waikanae – our meeting might have looked a bit like a drug deal going down, I suppose. Our consignment was one of weed, on the back of his ute (pick-up), covered with a grey waterproof tarpaulin, which made it even more suspicious…

(Above): A short while later I arrived home with the G-Men’s supplies: Bed and Breakfast – perhaps more accuratel0y “S & H” instead of “B & B”: Straw and Hay. Our Toyota Wish is described as a seven-seater wagon by the manufacturers. However, in livestock farming parlance, I guess a 4-baler would be more accurate… It is a tight squeeze, but the 4 bales fit quite comfortably when the back seats are down.

(Above): Straw is … well… As light as straw…. not very heavy. A full bale is considerably heavier than one might think – similar situation when handling a bale of wool, I’d guess.

(Above): From the car outside, I shifted the food and bedding out of reach of the adverse elements into the garden shed by trundler, straw (comfy) bedding at the back and hay (yummy) breakfast in the front. Although Jacko has a habit of chewing fresh straw as well.

Its a bit like your monthly shop, I suppose: clean sheets from the laundry and Weet-Bix from the supermarket…

G-Sweep

Yesterday was spring-clean day at the home of the G-Men.

This involves a periodic cleaning out the goat-house, airing the premises in the warm air and then re-furnishing the bed and carpet to the tenants’ satisfaction. You will understand that this is probably over-personifying the animals slightly -- they do not really have carpet and a bed.

Clayton donned the regulation Health and Safety apparel, being gardening gloves and a painter’s dust mask. Special tools include the old kitchen broom, the dustpan and the 30 litre garden barrow. Then a deep breath and down on all fours (like a goat!).

Interested parties may want to know that this deep breath technique trick does not really work, but it is probably consolatory to the G-sweeper for the first 30 seconds or so. After that, he is faced with the full wrath of the ammonia urine stench. I am reliably informed that goat urine is excellent for opening the sinuses, but I’m sure that the average person will rather prefer a blocked nose!

The boarded floor of the G-house has 5mm slits which allows the bulk of the urine to leak through, but the straw quite obviously absorbs and retains quite a bit. This gives the place a pleasant “goat-y” smell. Pleasant, that is, if you are a goat.

I used two very valid excuses to send Clayton into battle in the straw, rather than doing it myself. (a) the fine dust particles are not good for my post-surgery recovering sinuses, and  (b) well…, actually there was only one good reason.

Ten minutes later, Clayton had fully loaded the wagon with smelly spent straw and the floor scraped clean and dry of traces of G-presence. I was watching from a safe breathing distance. Justin “Beebs” wasted no time and immediately clambered inside and stomped around on the wooden floor checking and smelling. It’s amazing how inquisitive he is – he needs to know what you’re doing and needs to smell absolutely everything!

The compound was left to air, while the straw was taken to the composting area and covered, in line with our cunning plan for this waste product. I am hopeful and positive that the vegetarian goat-poo should do wonders in the veggie garden.

Then back to the feed-store to collect sufficient straw for re-furnishing the G-house. I took the liberty of taking a small bag of hay as a treat for the boys as well. Nothing like an inauguration meal once in a while.

Back at Goat-hill, Clayton kitted up once more and spread the straw all over the floor of the G-house. It was good and clean and fresh. And soft, like new straw. I fully expected him to lie prone on the soft new mattress to “test it out”, but Jacko Jackson butted his way in, in his official capacity of Quality Control Inspector.

(Above): Michael “Jacko” Jackson

Jacko checked out the floor in a zig-zag pattern, finally showing his approval by actually eating some of their mattress/carpet, indicating that, if its good enough to eat, then it must be good enough to sleep and pee on as well! That’s goat psychology for you.

There was no need to panic about him eating himself out of house and home, as he was easily distracted from this bedtime snacking by the offer of handfuls of yummy hay.

Clayton, too, was a happier G-servant, ready for the next spring-clean in a fortnight. Off to the shower and deodorant!

Want some yummy straw, hey?

If, like me, you’ve been a towney most of your life and have had very little contact with animals or farm life, chances are you won’t know what donkeys eat – hay or straw. And you probably won’t care, either.

But, say, you’ve become an owner of a pair of goats, and you need to supplement their feed and provide them with comfortable bedding in their shelter and sleeping quarters. The goats will instinctively know which one to eat and which one to use for bedding. However, you need to go to the co-op and to buy some of each, without their help.

Save yourself any embarrassment: its common-sense, really. The cushy stuff is for sleeping on, and the yummy stuff is for chow. But, they are both straw, hey, and they sell at a similar price? We found out for sure by buying them and testing on Justin and Michael.

(Above): Straw – soft, sometimes tubular hollow stalks of grains after they have been threshed. Good for absorption, insulation and comfort, this makes an ideal and cost-effective fitted sheet and under-blanket for any goat. Straw is not nutritious at all.

The bedding straw has been tested by Michael Jackson (pictured above). Reports show that he wouldn’t swap this for any other sort of bedding.

 
(Above): Hay is a finer, softer fibrous material, being a mix of various local grasses, which involves cutting, curing, processing and storing. Yummy stuff… If you’re a goat.

 
Justin Bieber (pictured above) whole-heartedly endorses the local hay, hey? Of course, the in situ grasses and brambles growing on Goat Hill still form the main part of his diet.