(Above): G-Men Jacko (left) and Beebs (right) at the Bar. The bartender shouts “I thought I told you guys to leave the leaves! Can’t you understand plain English?”
As light entertainment for a change, I know this is not supposed to be a joke-exchange, but to-day I’m in charge of this key-board. So there.
A redheaded man walks into a bar and sits next to another redheaded man. He orders a Guinness, and the second redheaded man turns to him. "I'm guessing from that accent you're from Dublin?" he asks, in an Irish brogue. "Of course!" the first guy exclaims, "Here, bartender, get this guy a Guinness, too." Their exchange continues:
1st: Lemme ask you, what street did you grow up on?
2nd: St. Catherine Street. And you?
1st: St. Catherine Street, same as you!
2nd: Here, bartender, get this guy a Jameson! What school did you go to?
1st: St. Joseph's Boy's Academy.
2nd: Son of a bitch, I went to St. Joe's too! Bartender, get this guy a Jameson!
This continues, and as they find they had the same teachers and knew the same neighbourhood kids, they proceed to get louder and drunker until a guy at the other end of the bar asks the bartender, "What's up with those two?"
The bartender shrugs and says, "It's the O'Shaughnessy twins, they're drunk again."
Horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "So. Why the long face?"
The horse, not understanding English, panics and knocks several tables over as it runs out the door.
So a guy walks into a bar, looking really moody and orders immediately a double-whiskey. Then he starts rambling on about how lousy a wife he's got, until the bartender finally says:
"You know, I don't understand what you're complaining about. All the other guys in here only have compliments about your wife."
A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"
The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."
"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"
"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.
"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.
"Well," said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
"Weird guy," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"
"Rustling," said the bartender.
So a man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "hey, will you give me a free beer if I show you something amazing you've never seen before?"
The bartender says, "sure, but it'd better be good."
The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He sets the hamster down on the bar, and the hamster runs along the bar, jumps off the end, turns a somersault in mid-air and lands on the piano. He the proceeds to play the piano beautifully. The bartender says, "Wow! That was incredible! Have a beer."
The man finishes his beer and says to the bartender, "hey, if I show you something else amazing that you've never seen before, will you give me another free beer?"
"If it's as amazing as the hamster, sure," the bartender replies.
So the man reaches back into his coat pocket, and pulls out a frog. He sets the frog down on the bar, and the frog begins to sing beautifully. The bartender is again amazed, and gets the man another beer.
As the man is drinking his beer, another man rushes over and says "Holy shit, a singing frog! I'll give you $200 for that frog."
The first man says "Deal!" and sells him the frog. The bartender walks over and says, "not that it's my business, but that was a singing frog, for heaven's sake. Why would you sell it for only $200? You could have made millions off of it."
The man says, "nah, don't worry. The hamster's also a ventriloquist."
A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a gin.....................................................................................................................................and tonic.
The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big pause?"
The bear replies, "I was born with 'em!"
(Above): Brynn showing off earthworms the size of Boerewors!
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