Load of Hay

“You’re not a farmer’s arse.”

He’s right, you know. I probably wouldn’t ever measure up to the mark required to be a farmer. I’m far too soft and too lily-livered. Outwardly, I’m Mr Tough-Guy, a tobacco-chewing, juice-spitting, hog-kicking gum-booter, but inside… I’m only an animal softie.

This morning I went down to Goat-Hill with a bunch of hay for Jacko’s breakfast. There I go again… Can you imagine Farmer Brown admitting that he’s taken din-dins to Dobbin and Black Beauty and Billy? I think not. Animal feed is animal feed – a farming raw material, nothing more.

The morning was dry and warmer than other mornings, pleasant enough to take a stroll down the winding path of Goat-Hill – a mental reminder to myself that I should start trimming the weeds and wild fern undergrowth along the pathway as soon as we have a dry spell.  As  I approached the goat fence, I felt an eerie silence. In the distance the carpenters were busily hammering away at fixing the roof trusses, but here I could only hear a dog barking faintly in the distance.

At the lower gate I could see all the way to the bottom of the steep incline. Nothing, no-one. No Jacko.

At the tree-covered foresty-bit along the lower fence, also nothing. No Jacko.

Where was Jacko?

“Here, Boy, here Big Guy!”  I look round sheepishly, in case someone has heard me. Sometimes I whistle to attract his attention, sometimes I simply bang on his tin roof with a stick.

“Maa-aa-aa-aa!  Maa-aa-aa-aa!”

I’m not sure what a goat yawn looks like, but I suspect it may have been a goat yawn that greeted me, as a furry pink snout shoved its way through the curtained door of the goat-house.

Jacko had been taking an extra-long morning lie-in in the straw this morning!

(Above): Jacko digging into the yummy hay breakfast, packed full of free-range organic stuff, befitting a healthy Billy Boy.

Despite his goofy stare, he is really a strange but loveable creature.

G-Men B&B

If you were to meet our G-Man Team face-to-face, I am certain your comments would be nothing but very favourable. They are two of the friendliest creatures around. Really they are.

When I called on them between showers this morning, Jacko (above left) was still in bed, dozing a bit, while Beebs (above right) ventured out to the fence to greet me. He gave a couple cute little bleats, as if in conversation about his late-sleeping friend.

“Today is the day that I go to Mr Palmer to get your scoff, Beebs,” I mentioned to him quietly, as if in confidence.

Beebs nodded knowingly, as if he understood. Who am I to query whether he understands or not?

Around 1:00pm I met Mr Palmer in the parking lot at Kapiti Signs in Waikanae – our meeting might have looked a bit like a drug deal going down, I suppose. Our consignment was one of weed, on the back of his ute (pick-up), covered with a grey waterproof tarpaulin, which made it even more suspicious…

(Above): A short while later I arrived home with the G-Men’s supplies: Bed and Breakfast – perhaps more accuratel0y “S & H” instead of “B & B”: Straw and Hay. Our Toyota Wish is described as a seven-seater wagon by the manufacturers. However, in livestock farming parlance, I guess a 4-baler would be more accurate… It is a tight squeeze, but the 4 bales fit quite comfortably when the back seats are down.

(Above): Straw is … well… As light as straw…. not very heavy. A full bale is considerably heavier than one might think – similar situation when handling a bale of wool, I’d guess.

(Above): From the car outside, I shifted the food and bedding out of reach of the adverse elements into the garden shed by trundler, straw (comfy) bedding at the back and hay (yummy) breakfast in the front. Although Jacko has a habit of chewing fresh straw as well.

Its a bit like your monthly shop, I suppose: clean sheets from the laundry and Weet-Bix from the supermarket…

Want some yummy straw, hey?

If, like me, you’ve been a towney most of your life and have had very little contact with animals or farm life, chances are you won’t know what donkeys eat – hay or straw. And you probably won’t care, either.

But, say, you’ve become an owner of a pair of goats, and you need to supplement their feed and provide them with comfortable bedding in their shelter and sleeping quarters. The goats will instinctively know which one to eat and which one to use for bedding. However, you need to go to the co-op and to buy some of each, without their help.

Save yourself any embarrassment: its common-sense, really. The cushy stuff is for sleeping on, and the yummy stuff is for chow. But, they are both straw, hey, and they sell at a similar price? We found out for sure by buying them and testing on Justin and Michael.

(Above): Straw – soft, sometimes tubular hollow stalks of grains after they have been threshed. Good for absorption, insulation and comfort, this makes an ideal and cost-effective fitted sheet and under-blanket for any goat. Straw is not nutritious at all.

The bedding straw has been tested by Michael Jackson (pictured above). Reports show that he wouldn’t swap this for any other sort of bedding.

 
(Above): Hay is a finer, softer fibrous material, being a mix of various local grasses, which involves cutting, curing, processing and storing. Yummy stuff… If you’re a goat.

 
Justin Bieber (pictured above) whole-heartedly endorses the local hay, hey? Of course, the in situ grasses and brambles growing on Goat Hill still form the main part of his diet.